Body Language Secrets To Get Your Kids to Talk to You

Monday, January 07, 2013

By Guest Blogger Blanca Cobb, Body Language and Lie Detection Expert

"How do I get my kids to talk to me?" is a common question parents ask. Many parents feel shut out of their kids' lives because they tend to get one word responses or shoulder shrugs as answers to their questions. Sometimes their kids ignore them all together. Many parents struggle in communicating with their kids. In my experience, there's a disconnect in communication styles between parents and kids. Parents tend to talk to instead of talk with their kids, whereas kids want to be heard and have their feelings validated. Many parents don't realize that they can use body language to create an inviting atmosphere where their kids will want to talk to them.

By using the following simple and effective body language techniques, you'll rev up their proverbial 'motor mouths.'

1) Remove any physical barriers between you and your kids and free your hands. Put down your cell phone and move away from the kitchen island. You and your kids want to be able to face each other without any barriers between you. When talking, use open palm gestures with your palms facing up to indicate openness and sincerity. Keeping you arms by your sides rather than crossing them indicates you are listening and interested in what they have to say.

2) Use effective eye contact by looking at your kids roughly 2/3's of the time when they are talking to you and roughly 1/3 of the time when you are talking to them. Imagine an upside down triangle arranged around both eyes and the nose. You want to focus your eye contact anywhere within this upside down triangle, shifting your gaze from eye to eye and to the tip of the nose periodically. To look away, focus your gaze down briefly as it's a natural break in eye contact.

3) Show interest in the conversation by leaning forward slightly towards your kids when they are talking. Getting physically close to your kids sends the message that you'd like to get emotionally close as well.

4) Tilt your head slightly and nod periodically to indicate that you are listening to your kids.

Not only will your kids know that you're listening to them, they'll feel heard. You now have the body language secrets to get your communication with your kids back on track.

Have you used these tips to communicate with your child? Share your experiences in the comments below.

We featured Blanca as a Main Street Mom on the Move this past September. Click here to read her bio!

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Comments
Kim commented on 07-Jan-2013 11:53 AM
OOh..I love this kind of information. I think the whole science behind nonverbal cues is so interesting. I would love to learn more about lie detection - especially as it relates to my tweens. Lying hasn't really happened yet (at least not that I know of), but I want to be ready!
Lynette commented on 07-Jan-2013 08:19 PM
I majorly needed this to help with my 13 year old son. Thank you so much.
Blanca Cobb commented on 07-Jan-2013 08:35 PM
Thank you Kim and Lynette for your comments. You both are in good company as I get lots of questions from parents about figuring out when their kids are lying. You both are in luck as I have lots of information. Later this spring, I'm offering a class for parents to help them understand the reasons kids lie and how to manage lying. For more information, please reach out by email at blanca@truthblazer.com.
Rachel commented on 07-Jan-2013 09:13 PM
Blanca, this is awesome advice. As my children get older I find them "tuning me out" quite a bit, but can't blame them because I seem to do the same to them when I am preoccupied with other things. I am definitely going to try these!
Blanca Cobb commented on 08-Jan-2013 09:11 AM
Rachel, thank you for your kind words. As we all (parents and kids) get busier and juggle daily responsibilities, we, sometimes, show non-verbal messages of disinterest. As parents, this is not the message we want to give our kids. I'd love to know how these techniques work for you. Let me know at blanca@truthblazer.com.

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