By Facebook Mom Group Addict

Hey mamas! I’m pregnant, but please don’t tell anyone if I know you in real life! My family, my coworkers, my neighbors, my kids – no one knows. My husband doesn’t even know! So I’m coming to you been there done that mamas to help me figure out a way to tell him. I’m already 12 hours pregnant, and want to surprise him before I start to show. Has anyone had a pregnancy reveal party? I saw on Pinterest where one woman used Mentos in a Coke bottle to shoot a onesie out of a mason jar, is that overdone?

Of course, I’m going to need a photographer for the event. Any mamas here do photography on the side? I’d love to see your portfolio, website, and references. I’m all about lifestyle photos, so nothing staged. What should we wear? I want to match, but not matchy match. More like, coordinate. I’ve heard that the lighting sweet spot is between five and six, so we’ll need that time slot. And it will have to be on a Friday or Saturday, but not the third Friday or the second Saturday of the month, because that’s family night. Of course I’m on a budget, so I’m looking for something high quality in the $25-$50 range for everything.

There’s one little wrinkle. You see, my husband’s mom’s uncle’s neighbor’s daughter lives in our basement. She’s 68 and has a 2 year old. She took a course in home based artificial insemination online and the next thing you know she has a baby and a collection of turkey basters. The assisted living facility kicked her out and she agreed to nanny for our kids in exchange for the basement room. Well the next thing you know she’s all – “oh, my hip” and “my bunions hurt when I vacuum” – and here I am doing everything! Not to mention the fact that her kid is a total demon child and is a bad influence on my precious angels! Before he came along we never had any behavior issues. Now, my son is smoking weed and pooping in his pants. Has anyone experienced potty regression with a 17 year old? Anyway, I do not want this woman at my pregnancy reveal party!!! Any ideas on how to get her to stay in the basement?

Speaking of my kids, they are going to be so excited to have a new little brother or sister. (Although I’ll be honest I feel TOTALLY different with this pregnancy, so I have a feeling it’s TWINS! Twin mamas, tell me everything!) Like I said, my son Maxjaxson is 17 and amazing, minus the pants pooping part. I know it’s just a phase! He plays soccer and has been playing up like 12 age groups since he was 6 months old. We’ve spent $500,000 on private training and club fees, so we are really counting on a college scholarship to offset those fees. That is if he doesn’t go pro right away! My daughter Bryarghleigh is 12 and I know I’m her mama but you guys, she could easily be on the cover of a magazine. She is in all honors AG AP HAG TIP smarty farty classes and has a 6.0 GPA. Duke asked if she wanted to go ahead and start college, but I worry about her being bored. Plus, she has her heart set on being a Broadway actress. She has seen Hamilton like, 5 times, and I know I’m her mama – but she has an amazing voice. I keep trying to get her to try out for America’s Got Next Top Model Baking Show, but she says she’s shy. I’ll post some of her Tik Toks in the comments! But guys, they are just going to love this little baby(ies)!!!

Ugh, I just thought of something. We are totally going to have to get another car. Any opinions on the Sienna, Highlander, Arcadia, Rav4, Odyssey, CRV, Outback, Pilot, Expedition, RD-X, Traverse, Forrester, Edge, Avalon, or Jeep Grand Cherokee? I’m looking for third row seats, lots of leg room, enough trunk space for our snowboards, awesome gas mileage, and something that doesn’t scream MOM CAR. And of course, highly rated in safety because safety comes first! And heated seats. Actually heated seats come first and then safety. LOL

I’d like to go ahead and start interviewing OBs, does anyone have a doctor that they love? I had a terrible experience with my last doctor (let’s just call him Dr. Terrible) when he wouldn’t follow my birth plan and let me labor in a pool of Jell-O. I need to be somewhere that they respect my body and my wishes. Looking for a birthing center with large suites, Jell-O birth option, and free wi-fi. Hit me with your best suggestions!

Now you know when that baby is born the hubs and I are going to need a date night! Are there any restaurants that have fantastic food for cheap? Hubs is a meatarian and I only eat chickpeas and I can’t be in the same building as a piece of fish, but other than that we are open to anything! I’m also looking for a babysitter for those nights, are any of you available? I don’t need to meet you or get any references or anything, and I can just drop the baby off on our way out. I can only pay $3.50 an hour but I have some vintage Lularoe I can give you in trade. Speaking of the hubs, how do you ladies get your man to help you out around the house? All day long, he’s either playing Call of Duty or texting with his best friend at work whose having all kinds of problems with her boyfriend. I understand that he is giving her relationship advice, but could he take out the trash while he’s doing it? Grrr.

Mamas, I am so thankful for you and this online village. I don’t know what I’d do without you! Oh and one more thing, my daughter has this rash. Do you think she needs to see a doctor? *pic in comments*….

For those of you who follow mom discussion groups on Facebook, I hope you enjoyed this tongue-in-cheek look at how some moms can get a little carried away on online advice forums. Comment below if you can relate and/or share your own funny experiences in these online discussion groups!

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