By Guest Blogger Jennifer Turner
Long days at the pool, chasing after the ice cream truck, staying up late catching lighting bugs and sleeping in. That’s what summer break is all about, right?
That’s how I remember my perfectly imperfect childhood. But, for my kids, summers look much different.
My husband and I both work full time jobs. That means my kids still have to go to bed at their normal time so they can get up at 6:30 am and maybe we will make it to the pool this weekend. Oh, it’s supposed to rain. Well, next weekend we have the family reunion and the next weekend we have a wedding, but I promise we will get to the pool before the summer is over.
I’m not meant to be a stay at home mom, I work because I want to. But in reality, I only want to 9 months out of the year. I want the opportunity to allow my kids to enjoy summers the way I delighted in them. Carefree and with a little too much sun on my cheeks. I want to be making sandwiches to take to the pool or the park, not packing lunch boxes to drop off at daycare.
Summer break can be exhausting, but it is especially hard on working parents who are trying to juggle their normal everyday tasks with giving their kids the experiences that make childhoods special.
My family is fortunate enough to have found an affordable summer camp that offers a wider variety of activities than I would be able to provide my children. This also gives them the opportunity to make a different group of friends than they have in school. I do not wish to take this experience away from them, summer camp itself can be very special and memorable, but in my perfect world there would be a better balance.
Instead, my kids will run through the sprinkler on a Saturday morning while I try to catch up on a week’s worth of laundry. We might squeeze in one trip to the zoo, but we might not. Our house will continue to be a disaster while we contemplate the consequences of going to the splash pad for the day instead of doing our weekly chores. And we will have a Happy Meal picnic after work because I haven’t had a chance to go to the grocery store in two weeks.
I know I’m just doing the best I can, which is all any mom can say, but the mom guilt is strong. This summer and every summer. At least until my kids reach an age when they don’t want to spend time with me. Then the guilt will transition to regret. Regret that I didn’t spend summers with them when I had the chance.
Anyone else feel the same way? I’d love to hear how you manage your summer mom guilt.
Jennifer is a full time global product manager at Lee jeans, but her hardest, yet most rewarding job, is trying to raise her 4 and 7 year old to be good human beings. Her hobbies include picking up Legos off the floor, pouring milk into sippy cups, finding her daughter’s prized “Lambie” that inevitably gets misplaced 12 times a day, and falling asleep while trying to watch one episode of a show with her husband.
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Hi Jennifer, Yep-this summer the Mom guilt is at all time high. I have one 5 year old little boy who mentions how long the days are at camp when I ask how this day went at pick up at 5 pm. I felt like you were in my head when I read your post. I was drawn to the title and had to read it. I am just trying to be in the moment when I am with him. I am trying to take days off when I can and spend quality time with him. I love your hobbies! Mine are very similar. All we can do is our best every day. I can totally relate to your post. I guess it did make me feel less alone in the journey. Happy Summer!
Jennifer, you are in very good company. For working moms, summer seems to simply amplify the ongoing struggle with balancing family with work. Family is definitely the most important part of the balance, but work is significant. It is more about the time between the “events” like going to the pool and taking a vacation that ultimately impact our kiddos in a positive or negative way. Naturally, those things are great things to do, and strive for, but the real connection happens in the day to day engagement that we have with them It sounds like you have mastered this by being in the moment with your kids as you pick up Legos, pour milk, and find “Lambie”. When you are asking them about them, laughing with them, and playing the fun spontaneous games just getting them ready for bed. These are the long lasting things that positively impact their overall perspective of life, resilience and how to make the best of each day. Sounds like you are modeling great life skills. Keep up the great work, you are doing a wonderful job. Just remember to take care of yourself, cut yourself some slack – you deserve it. You are feeding your kids mentally, socially, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Regret in the future will only happen if the focus is on what you didn’t do, rather than all of the creative ways that you are positively impacting their lives. They have never known any other way, so they truly are not missing anything.
This is so true! I work from home but still wrestle with the guilt of ignoring my kids while they hover around my desk in the summertime. And I am ALL FOR a Happy Meal! 🙂