Welcome to another edition of the Sunday Funnies!  This week I have compiled a list of short funnies for you that have been sent in by our readers.  All of these stories are “out of the mouths of babes,” which we all know will bring a good laugh.

Enjoy …

How to get a child to stop talking

Story from mom of 2 boys.  Oldest is 6 (a little more excitable, outgoing
and energetic) and youngest is 4 (more laid back, take it all in kind of
Action: 4 year old peed on 6 year old.
Mom: Why did you do that?
4 year old: “I’m sorry mom, he just wouldn’t stop talking”
Mom (thought to self): “I know how you feel”

When it is beneficial to be a crocodile

My daughter Emily was in the midst of potty training.  She had been having lots of little pee-pee accidents so I was trying to focus on perfecting the potty-ing. At one point in the morning, we were playing around and Emily began crawling up to me, growling, and saying “I’m a Crocodile!” I, of course, would shriek in terror and say “Go away crocodile!” At which point she would crawl away and start all over. After we had played and re-played this several times, this conversation happened:
Me: Emily, are your panties wet, again??
Emily: No.
Me: Yes they are.
Emily: No they are not.
Me: Yes they are. Now, go upstairs and get yourself some dry panties.
Emily: I don’t want to.
Me: Too bad! You need to go get some dry panties.
Emily: (pause) Well, Crocodiles don’t wear panties!
(She then took off the wet panties and continued the game.)

Who could argue with that?!?!?

What it takes to be a Dad

I asked my older son what he wanted to be when he grew up. Without
hesitation, he said, “A baseball player…and a dad.” Very sweet. So
I asked, “What makes you a dad? What do you need to be a dad?” He
thought for a second and then said, “A loud voice?”

My husband had to tell me to stop laughing.

Can you cuss in church if you don’t know what it means?

At church, my daughter was sitting between my husband and I, and she was drawing on a pad of paper. She turned around in her seat and leaned on the chair so that the people behind us could look down and have a full few of her scribbling. I was trying to pay attention to our priest, but I did glance down to see she that was working on her spelling. She had written D U C K and then directly beneath that P U C K. My pride turned to horror as she started the next row with an F. What would the people behind us think? I glanced up as my mind raced about what I should do and then glanced back down. Thank goodness, she had changed tactics and wrote F U K, but it was still a close call. I made eye contact with Mike and nudged him to look down at her paper. When he did his face registered shock and then humor. We then got the “church giggles” and it was downhill from there. She had no clue what she was writing, but it certainly made for a Sunday Funny!

Need a napkin?

While having dinner at a restaurant with my in-laws, my 8 year old daughter needed to use the restroom so we excused ourselves from the table.  As my daughter was finishing washing her hands, she was looking around for the paper towel dispenser.  Her eyes caught sight of a sanitary napkin dispenser and she says out loud, “Mom, can you believe they charge you 50 cents for a napkin to dry your hands with in this restaurant??  I don’t care if they are sanitary — that’s a rip off!!”   Chuckling could be heard coming from each stall.  As we head back to our table, my mother-in-law is asking the waiter for an extra napkin.  My daughter interrupts and says, “Grandmother, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.  They charge 50 cents for sanitary napkins and they get them from the bathroom!”

Let’s talk about sex

We were sitting in the upstairs den and my son Andrew was reading a book out loud. The TV was on in the background and my other children, Abby and Adam, (all age 8) were sitting on the floor drawing pictures. The ‘guide’ for cable was on and it was streaming different video clips for DVD’s that have recently been released. Even though I was listening to Andrew, I could hear the TV loud and clear: “…Sex in the City II…now on DVD”. Abby and Adam were talking and as soon as I heard it I really didn’t think THEY did. BUT – I glanced over and the two of them were giggling and smiling.

Adam: (under his breath) “Sex in the City”

Abby: “Sex. I know what that means…(laughing)”

I said (calmly): “You do?”

More laughing and giggling from both of them and I was trying to imagine what they really knew (and who told them, etc.) I thought, “I can’t believe they KNOW already”.

Abby: “Yes…”

Me: “What does it mean?”

Abby: “I can’t tell you.” Now I’m really worried. Adam is still snickering.

Me: “Really, what does it mean?”

Abby: “It means…a really pretty hot girl” (“Whew, is that it?”)

Me: (laughing nervously) “So, it means ‘A really pretty hot girl in the city’ ?” They laughed and I laughed and I never confirmed or denied what it!

And then we all went back to reading and drawing. Close one!

Do you have a funny story, video, or photo to share?  Please send it to Rachel@triadmomsonmain.com!