Questions to Ask Your Children at Every Age

By TMoM Team Member Ellen Bryant Lloyd

“Did you know that one of the best ways to learn about people is to ask them questions?” This was the first thing one of my teachers in elementary school asked our class on the opening day of school. She proceeded to ask each of us a question about ourselves and encouraged us to ask her or anyone else in the class a question in return.

This exercise helped “break the ice” and calmed first-day jitters while setting a welcoming tone for the school year. However, it did more than that. In the opening hour of that school year, I remember feeling comfortable with a group of people I didn’t know, happy my teacher took an interest in me, and eager to learn more about each person in the room. The exercise opened the door for connections to be made and relationships to develop.

This principle applies to parenting as well. Asking children questions is a great way to learn more about what they are thinking and feeling, what is important to them, and gain insight into what they need during different stages of growing up. It is also a powerful way to build strong relationships with them, enhance their communication skills, and nurture their curiosity.

When posing questions to ask your children, here are several points you may want to keep in mind:

Determine your goal for questions. Here are a few goals to consider:

- Do you need more information from your child?
- Do want to address an immediate need like hunger, sleep, sensory overstimulation, or physical discomfort?
- Do you want to lighten the mood and have fun?
- Do you want to learn more about your child and their interests, likes,
- Dislikes and what is important to him/her?
- Do you want to foster curiosity about a topic?

Ask open-ended questions to encourage conversation
Recognize times when you need to ask questions requiring one-word answers so you can get directly to the point and understand immediate needs
Limit the number of questions asked during a conversation so children are not overwhelmed or, in middle and school years, inclined to shut down
Add levity to questions so the conversation is about having fun and not always about getting information

As there are countless questions you could ask, here is a list of both light-hearted and serious questions by age group to get you started. Feel free to share other questions you like to ask your children in the comments or on TMOM’s social media outlets.

Questions to Ask Your Children at Every Age:

Questions to Ask Preschoolers

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Who are your friends?
What is your favorite game?
What is your favorite animal?
What is your (fill in with an emotion) face?
What do you need?
Are you (choose one with each question until you learn the answer) hungry/tired/thirsty/sad/angry/hurting?
What is a place that makes your heart feel happy?
What do you like to share?
What do you like to help mommy/daddy do?
What is something that makes you smile?
What made you happy today?
Where do bubbles go after you blow them?
What are you scared of?
What made you sad today?
What hurts?
What is a yummy food?
Can elephants fly?
What does orange feel like/taste like?
What would happen if you ate a polka dot?
What makes you laugh?
What does your tummy want?
Can fish walk?
What are you good at?
What is your favorite shape?
What is your favorite number?
What is your favorite song?
What does purple feel like?
What is big/small?
What is loud/quiet?
What is hard/soft?
How old are you?
How old is Mommy/Daddy?
What makes you sad?
What is love?
Who do you love?

Questions to Ask Elementary-Aged Kids

What makes you feel happy?
What would you like to be when you grow up?
How do you show your love to others?
How did you show kindness today?
What makes you feel sad?
What was the best part of your day?
Who is your favorite person and why?
What are you scared of?
What do you wish had been different about your day?
What are your top three favorite foods?
What do you like most about school?
What is a new rule you would like to have in our family?
How do you like to spend your free time?
If you could be any animal for a day, what would you be and why?
What would you like to learn how to do?
What is love?
What is something you like our family to do together?
What makes you feel angry?
What makes you feel happy?
What is your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
What is something you are really good at that you would like to teach others how to do?
Where would you like to go on vacation?
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
What is your favorite place in our house?
What is your favorite place in the world?
If you opened a store, what would you sell in it?
Is it important to do the right thing even if nobody is watching?
Why is the sky blue?
What is your superpower?
What shapes do you see in the clouds?
What is the funniest thing you have ever seen?
What would our pet say if they could talk?
If you could be any color, what would you choose?
What is your favorite holiday?
If you had a magic wand, what would you change in the world?
What is your favorite book and why?

Questions to Ask Middle School Aged Kids

Who has a job you think is cool/interesting and what do you think makes it cool/interesting?
What is your favorite hobby?
What would you like to learn more about?
How do you show your love to others?
What is important to you?
How did you show kindness today?
What upsets you?
What are things that scare you?
What was the best part of your day?
What do you wish had been different about your day?
If you could time travel, where and when would you go?
What is your favorite meal?
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Who is someone you really admire and what about him/her do you admire?
What do you like most about school?
What do you like least about school?
What is a new rule you would like to have in our family?
How do you like to spend your free time?
What are some things you would like to change in our world?
Where would you like to go on vacation?
What injustice do you want to get rid of in our world?
What does your ideal day include?
What is your favorite thing to do when you have down time?
What is something you need to make your life better?
What is your favorite memory of time spent together with our family?
If you could meet with a famous or influential person, living or dead, who would it be and what kinds of things would you want to discuss?
What is something you are really good at that you might like to teach others how to do?
What is something that would make your life better/easier?
Is it important to do the right thing even if nobody is watching?
How do you deal with things that make you feel angry?
What do you love most about our family?
If you were stranded on a desert island, what three things would you want to have with you?
What is one thing we can do to bring our family closer together?
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
What is your favorite place in our house?
What is your dream car?
What is your favorite place in the world?
Who is the friend you enjoy spending time with the most and why?
Where would you like to go on vacation?
What would you do if you had $1000?
What is your favorite family tradition?
What is your favorite holiday?
What is your favorite book/movie/game and why?

Questions to Ask High Schoolers

What are some careers or areas of work/business that sound interesting to you?
What do you think you might want to study in college or do after high school?
What is your favorite hobby?
What would you like to learn more about?
What is the biggest dream you have?
What are your top five pet peeves?
How do you show your love to others?
Do you like to be in large environments with lots of people or hang with a few people in a smaller space?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
If you could go back in time, what would you tell your five-year-old self?
What advice do you have for your future self?
What are qualities in people that are important to you?
What are things that scare you?
What was the best part of your day?
What do you worry about the most?
What do you wish had been different about your day?
What are your top five values?
If you could time travel, where and when would you go?
What is your favorite meal?
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Is it important to do the right thing even if nobody is watching?
Who is someone you really admire and what about him/her do you admire?
What do you like most about school?
What do you like least about school?
What is a new rule you would like to have in our family?
What does having good character look like?
How do you like to spend your free time?
What are the biggest injustices in the world from your perspective?
Do you like sunrises or sunsets better and why?
Where would you like to go on vacation?
What does your ideal day include?
What is your favorite thing to do when you have down time?
What is something you need that would make your life better/easier?
What is your favorite memory of time spent together with our family?
If you could meet with a famous or influential person, living or dead, who would it be and what kinds of things would you want to discuss?
What is something you are really good at that you might like to teach others how to do?
What is something that would make your life easier?
How can you make a difference in our community?
What do you love most about our family?
If you were stranded on a desert island, what three things would you want to have with you?
What is one thing we can do to bring our family closer together?
What is your dream car?
What is your favorite place in the world?
Where would you like to go on vacation?
What would you do if you had $1000?
What is your favorite family tradition?
What is your favorite holiday?
What is your favorite book/movie/game and why?

To get the most out of conversations with your children, especially when you are asking questions, it is important to listen attentively and actively and make eye contact to show you are hearing them and care about what they are saying. Show a genuine interest in their thoughts and opinions and please don’t interrupt them, correct them or share judgmental replies. Consider inviting your children to ask you questions as well. Remember, they may be just as interested in learning more about you. Whether you are at the dinner table, on a walk, in the car, sitting on the beach or during bedtime routines, may your “question time” be a fun and meaningful way to connect with your children!

Ellen Bryant Lloyd is a writer and mom of two children, one who has flown from the nest and the other is not far from it. She blogs about perspectives on life and parenting at www.mindfulmom.wordpress.com and tweets at @EllenBLloyd. She is the author of FRECKLES and FRECKLES and The Great Beach Rescue, a freelance writer and memoir ghostwriter. Ellen lives in Greensboro with her husband and her daughter, when she is home from college. She looks forward to seeing her son, who is now living and working in a nearby metropolitan city, as often as possible.

Want to see more blogs like this and also get notifications on local events and happenings? Subscribe to our free weekly newsletters here.

If you enjoyed this Blog On Questions to Ask Your Children of All Ages you might also like:

How to raise your kids to be confident, self-sufficient, world changers

Kids Say the Darndest Things – Dance Teacher Edition

Talking with Kids About Disabilities