If you don’t know Marie Barone, she is one of the characters on Everybody Loves Raymond. Marie is hilarious to all of us watching the show, but to her daughter-in-law, Deborah, Marie is everything but funny.
Marie seems to feel joy in nit-picking Deborah’s everyday life. In Marie’s eyes, Deborah is never put-together enough, nor are her kids. Deborah’s house is never clean enough, nor are her home-cooked meals good enough.
Deborah and her husband, Ray, seem to bicker a lot about Marie and how much she hurts Deborah’s feelings. And nine times out of ten, what does Ray do? Nothing. Stands there like a deer in headlights and never says a word to his mother about how she treats Deborah or how she makes her feel.
As I sat with a group of friends recently, there seemed to be many women who have a Marie Barone for a mother-in-law. Not only did they feel hurt by their mother-in-law’s words or actions, but it was also putting a strain on their marriage. They asked if I would blog about this in order to get some advice from others. I think there are many of our readers who may need advice in this area and I hope there are plenty of you who can offer some as well.
So I have some questions and I would love for you all to comment below and answer as many as you wish! You can remain anonymous by leaving the boxes blank for your email address and name.
1. Is your mother-in-law a Marie Barone?
2. Share a humorous or horrible story with us that shows how “Marie-like” she can be!
3. Has your MIL come between you and your husband?
4. What has been done to improve the situation?
5. Is there anything that has worked in helping solve the tension your MIL brings to your marriage?
6. How do you deal with your MIL without losing your mind?
And if your MIL is NOT like Marie Barone, consider yourself lucky! Some of the stories I heard were CRAZY!!!
My (soon-to-be EX MIL) is Marie Barone. She would offer to “help out” with the kids and house sit while my (soon-to-be EX) husband and I would take a weekend trip. She would always ask “what can I do?” while she stayed and I would respond “take care of the kids and have fun”. When I returned home she would have rearranged my home. Things were redecorated and reorganized to make things look better”. At holiday meals the food was always “cold” (she would ask my FIL to warm up her plate in the microwave) and would “ask” “what she could bring?” When I said she didn’t need to bring anything an enormous amount of food was still delivered. She would obsessively invite herself over to do yardwork against my explicit instructions not to do so. Overbearing doesn’t start to describe her. Then the icing on the cake is she would hold all her “good deeds” over my head and brag about how much she helps everyone out. I finally stopped engaging with her and drew very clear boundaries. Now there’s no gray area and I’m involved in a very contentious and drawn out divorce with a man who has no empathy and will do everything to disrupt the end goal of splitting up.
My mother is law is the Marie Barone of the Midwest. She thinks her cooking ability exceeds those close to her, even bragging about her mediocre food herself when she doesn’t think she gets enough compliments. I have witnessed her hurrying to fill my father in laws plate with her dessert rather than risk having him sample his granddaughter’s dessert. Her comment was that she was sure he would want what she fixed.
She conditionally passes out her limited affection for her children based on their “loyalty” to her regardless of the effect it has on their spouses. The apron strings were never cut between this mother and her children. She has made it quite clear that no one is good enough for her child. There will be no peace until she is no longer with us. So sad.