By now we’ve all heard of the hilarious Twitter account-turned TV show “S**t My Dad Says.” Well, loyal reader Kelly Cavanaugh has a collection of similar comments her mom has made over the years. They are too cute, so I asked Kelly if it would be OK with her – and her mom – if I shared some of these lines on TMoM. As if on cue, her mom asked, “Is this some kind of Granny bashing web site?”  Kelly told me to interpret that as an approval.

Kelly has been recording all these funny, off-beat comments her mom has made, and is now working on turning her collection into a book. Below are some excerpts from her collection. I’m sure we can all relate to many of these “Mom moments.” Enjoy!

From Kelly:

I’ve tried for years to understand the look Mom gives when she’s talking. (My sister) Katie and I have affectionately deemed it the look of “You know what that means.” Except we never do. An example…

“Kel, I was talking to this woman in line at the grocery store. She just started talking to me about her kids. She’s a *nurse*.”(Insert knowing look and long thoughtful pause that is empty of all thought). It’s kinda like when people whisper things in the middle of their sentences such as “She has *cancer*” or “That’s that boy who’s on *drugs*.” Except, there’s never any meaning to these long pauses and expressions…I don’t think.
Talking on the phone with Mom is always an adventure. These days, I expect phone calls at 8:30am on Mom’s way to work, and at exactly 5:07 on her way home. (My daughters) Maureen and Audrey intercept most of these, but I eventually get put on the phone anyway. I always take a deep breath before answering, because you just never know what’s in store.

When I was pregnant with Maureen, Mom called me at 6:45am on a Saturday morning. (We were sleeping, like most normal people). I answered the phone, and she didn’t even say hello. “Kel, promise me that if you have a girl, you will fix her hair. Because she can’t do it for herself and that’s not fair to her!” Hi, Mom.

Semi-amusing things happen when I call her, too. Once, I called and instead of saying “Hello”, she just said, “Phone”. Not sure what that meant, but it was better than the time she answered, “Oh, it’s you.”
Parenting is lots of fun, until Mom wants to do something her way…

“Mom, if we go at 11:15, the baby is going to cry and we’ll have to leave.”
“Kel, let’s just try it.”

“Mom, if you give her chocolate milk for lunch, she won’t take a nap.”
“Kel, let’s just try it.”

“Mom, if we go then, she’s going to have a meltdown.”
“Kel, let’s just try it.”
Mom stakes all claim to the success (my sister) Katie and I have had. She occasionally gives Dad credit for braininess, but otherwise it’s all her. “I have two perfect children” is a phrase I’ve heard many times. But it’s frequently followed up by “Kel, here are the things you need to fix”. Didn’t you just say I was perfect?

Love it! Thanks for sharing these, Kelly. Your mom is a riot! If you have a funny story to share – maybe it’s something yourMom has said – or something your children have said or done – email me! I’d love to include in a future Sunday Funnies column on TMoM! You can remain anonymous or even be the guest blogger for that day!