Where Does Your Relationship Stand?
Starting the Conversation: How Do You See Your Relationship?
When it comes to writing about marriage and couples, the possibilities feel endless. From communication and conflict to parenting and passion, the subject is rich with layers. But perhaps the most basic—and most important—question to ask at the start is this: How do we see ourselves and our spouses or partners in terms of what we believe a relationship should be?
Just like parenting, relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all. There’s no universal roadmap, because each couple is made up of two unique individuals with different experiences, perspectives, and histories. What worked in a past relationship might not apply to the one you’re in now. And what brings success to one couple may not be what brings happiness to another.
There Is No Perfect Formula—But There Are Guiding Principles
One helpful lens for exploring love and connection is psychologist Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love. According to this theory, love is built from three core components:
- Passion: The spark, attraction, and romantic desire.
- Intimacy: The deep friendship, trust, and emotional closeness.
- Commitment: The decision to stay together and remain devoted.
The ideal, known as Consummate Love, is the balance of all three. But most relationships ebb and flow through different stages. Some seasons may be full of passion but lacking in connection. Others may be rich in commitment but short on romance. The key is recognizing where your relationship is now—and being willing to invest in what’s missing.
Doing the Work Is the Point
You may hear long-term couples say, “It takes work.” And they’re right. A lasting relationship isn’t a destination—it’s a journey, and one that requires regular maintenance. Life changes, people grow, and even the strongest partnerships can drift if not tended to. The good news is that working on your relationship doesn’t mean it’s broken. It means you value it enough to grow with it.
In my own marriage, my husband and I recognize that there’s always work to do. And we choose to do that work—because it matters. Just as we reflect on and adjust our parenting styles, we must also take time to assess our personal relationships and consider how to nurture them.
The Empty Nest Reminder: Rediscovering Each Other
Parenthood often shifts the focus away from marriage. But when the kids are grown and the house is quiet, who are you left with? Your partner. That’s why it’s so important to invest in your relationship along the way. Staying connected, being intentional, and evolving together helps avoid the disconnection that can happen when you wait too long to check in.
A Thoughtful Invitation to Reflect
This isn’t a judgment on where you are in your relationship—far from it. It’s an invitation. A reminder. A moment to reflect on what’s working, what could use some love, and where you want your relationship to go. Whether you’ve been together 2 years or 20, there’s always room for growth.
At the end of the day, your relationship is worth it. You are worth it. And the beautiful thing is, there’s no “perfect.” There’s only progress.
Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. And as always, walk good.
By Guest Blogger Kim Buccino