Are Pen Pals Still a Thing? How to Find Safe Pen Pals for Kids Today
I ran this post last year and received a couple of requests for pen pals, as well as ideas for finding pen pals (see past comments below.) Thought it would be fun to re-run this post to see if anyone has connected or wants to add their email addresses to the pen pal request list.
A Childhood Pen Pal Story (That Could Only Happen in the ‘80s or ‘90s)
When I was in first or second grade, my mom burst into my room waving an envelope, demanding to know why a grown man from Maryland was writing me a personal letter. I was stunned. I barely knew where Maryland was, let alone knew anyone who lived there. Her horror made perfect sense… once she opened the envelope.
A few weeks earlier, I had scribbled a tiny note saying I was looking for a pen pal, rolled it up, tucked it into a glass bottle, screwed on the cap, and tossed it into the Little Egg Harbor Bay behind my grandparents’ New Jersey beach house. That bottle somehow drifted through the Atlantic and into the Chesapeake Bay, right beside a man’s sailboat. He found it, wrote back, and assured me he simply wanted me to know my message had reached him. Thankfully, he was harmless—but still, what a way to meet a “pen pal.”
Pen Pal Excitement… and Pen Pal Safety
Fast-forward thirty years. My daughter is now about the age I was, and she wants a pen pal too. Kids love the idea. Writing letters feels special and old-fashioned in the best way. But as fun as the concept is, pen pal relationships today come with safety questions we can’t ignore.
Unless you personally know your child’s pen pal, sharing a home address can feel risky. But skipping the address takes away some of the magic. It’s a tricky balance.
This past summer, my daughter met a girl her age who lives next door to my parents in Florida. The girls swapped addresses and started writing each other right away. It’s been sweet to watch… although the letters are short and mostly cover things they already know. I’m grateful for the handwriting practice, but I can see the novelty fading.
Have Pen Pals Become a Thing of the Past?
Of course, you can always start with a cousin, a family friend, or another child you know. But the heart of a “true” pen pal relationship is exchanging letters with someone in a different place, someone who can open your child’s world a little wider. And that’s the part that’s harder to find now.
Where do you safely meet pen pal matches? Do you give out your home address, or use a P.O. box? Is email safer—or does it take away the charm? Parents today have to navigate things our parents never even considered.
Help Other Triad Families: Share Your Pen Pal Ideas
If your child has ever had a pen pal—successful or not—I’d love to hear your experience. Where did you find a match? Were there national or international organizations you trusted? Did you use email, letters, or both? How did you keep your child safe while still giving them freedom to enjoy the experience?
And if you think pen pals are a bad idea altogether, feel free to share your reasons why. Your perspective might help another parent figure out what’s best for their own child.
Drop your ideas, advice, and pen pal resources in the comments below—let’s help our kids rediscover the joy of handwritten letters, safely and creatively.