By Guest Blogger Ginny Olson, author of MothersRest.com
This is a typical conversation in my house. Like every day.
Smaller child, watching me hand older child a second piece of toast: “More toast please!”
Me: “After you finish your eggs.”
Him, 20 seconds later: “Finished”
Me: “You want toast now?”
Him: “No, tummy’s full”
Him, 20 seconds later: “More toast please!”
Me: “You just said you’re FULL. Listen to your tummy again. What’s it telling you?”
Him: “It says MORE TOAST PLEASE!”
Me: “Really? Ok, here you go.”
Him: “NO, TUMMY’S FULL!”
Sound familiar? Because the Fear Of Missing Out is real, y’all.
Here are 7 signs your kid’s got major FOMO, too:
1. When you sneak into the kitchen.
Under the cover of darkness. To eat the brownies you hid on top of the frig. And then you make the mistake of kissing your kid good-night.
Her spidey sense goes into over-drive. Suddenly your battle over bedtime turns into a battle over whether you’re a big, fat liar. No, I swear, I’m not eating chocolate. And, hell no, you’re not getting a brownie. Because, duh, it’s bedtime. And because, duh, I’m gonna eat ’em all.
2. When it’s time to play rock band.
And the whole family is all in. Except your kid refuses to play his guitar. Because he knows you got it on the cheap. Because who actually buys a 3-year-old a $500 guitar?
Young Jimi Hendrix wants YOUR guitar. Even though you tried to ward off these shenanigans by playing his cheapo, off-brand guitar for 20 minutes before picking yours up. To bestow it with value and magic and fairy dust. HE WILL NOT BE FOOLED. Clearly yours is way better.
3. When you give big brother medicine.
For a nasty ear infection. And little brother is ranting and raving in the corner because you’ve obviously done him wrong by denying him a hit, too.
Quick! Fill an empty Tylenol bottle with water, give him a syringe, and tell him to go to town! No, wait, that seems like a drug habit waiting to happen.
4. When you douse your steak in wasabi.
And your little gal demands equal access to the sauce. Not like she ever eats steak. Or anything flavored with anything. Wasabi, you want? Wasabi, you shall have! Cue the tears two seconds later. At least she tried it…?
5. When you start eating salad.
FULL OF KALE and all things veggie. Kiddo carps over and over: I want some!! You’ll be mother-of-the- year! FOMO to the rescue! FOMO to stuff good stuff down his throat! This is quickly followed by: Why would I eat that?! And the green stuff somehow lands on the ceiling. Mom-of-the-year will have to wait til tomorrow.
6. When you decide to get a puppy.
And the 4-year-old thinks it’s only for you. Because she’s figured out that momma’s pretty much the only one who’s gonna take care of the damn thing. She starts wailing anyway: “Where’s MY puppy?!”
You think, “Ah, here’s my chance to teach responsibility! To raise up the next generation to care and feed other creatures!” But we all know she’ll get bored with this plan in about 15 minutes: “Mom, someone needs to feed the dog!”
7. When you let little brother skip school.
To go to the doctor. For a flu shot. And your older child stomps around the house, demanding that she get a holiday, too. Alrighty then, lady, hop in the car. FLU SHOTS FOR EVERYONE! #momwin
But let’s be honest, I’ve got major FOMO, too. Because I will totally cut you if you try to eat the last brownie on top of the frig. It’s mine, I tell you!
Hmm, maybe that means I don’t have FOMO. Maybe I’m just a food hoarder. So, ok, can we split it?
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