Therapy: It’s Unavoidable

By Guest Blogger Thea DeLoreto, author of the blog The Lint Trap

Every minute of every day I strive to parent my children in a way that does not drive them to therapy. I am quite sure I have already failed. I have discovered now that my second born is on this earth and I am an expert (cause I have two now, so that automatically qualifies me) that no matter what I do, I am mentally apologizing to my children. I feel that I need to get these apologies down in black and white, so that in twenty years, when these two babes of mine are sitting in front of their virtual therapists in the colony on the moon they will no doubt live in, they can access this blog in a data file on their computer watches and know that I tried. I tried really hard.

First Born:
I am sorry it took me 4 years to give you a sibling.
Second Born:
I am sorry you will never know what it is to be an only child.

First Born:
I am sorry that we made you feel like the world revolved around you for 4 years then thrust another little person into your spotlight.
Second Born:
I am sorry that you will never know what it is like to be by yourself in our spotlight.

First Born:
I am sorry we only ever gave you warmed bottles. I am even more sorry that you believe to this day milk can only be enjoyed warm.
Second Born:
I am sorry you only get cold bottles. I am sorry you had to realize quickly if you didn’t eat it cold then you weren’t going to eat it at all.

First Born:
I am sorry we spend so much more time paying attention to brother. He is often on the verge of trying to kill himself with non baby approved things and must be attended to constantly.
Second Born:
I am sorry your sister gets more of our attention. She is older and requires more discipline, more discussion, more entertainment. The only thing she seems to require less of is food.

First Born:
I am sorry I failed to introduce you to more exciting and adventurous foods. I never added any spices or herbs to anything, and now you hate anything that is different.
Second Born:
I am sorry I have not made you homemade baby food to match each stage of development. I am sorry all of your food squeezes out of a pouch.

First Born:
I am sorry we never let you cuddle in our bed and it took you three years to realize a bed was for sleeping. I am sorry we were always so worried that we would make you a bad sleeper that we were really strict about your schedule and your sleeping environment.
Second Born:
I am sorry I have led you to believe the best place to sleep is in the car seat. I am sorry we never work around your schedule and your sleep always is an after thought.

First Born:
I am sorry we didn’t expose you to more gender neutral toys. You were like 2.5 before you had a ball.
Second Born:
I am sorry the majority of your toys are pink. Thank you for loving My Little Pony’s, pink tea pots, and Barbies.

First Born:
I am sorry you will never know what it is to not be the first, the leader, the oldest.
Second Born:
I am sorry you will always follow someone. I am sorry you will always be younger and expected to go with the flow.

I know there will be  a million more things I apologize for to these two over their lifetime. I really am doing my best, but as a parent it seems that no matter what I do, the guilt is real and it is ever-present. Someday, they will both have children and will understand that I really was trying hard. It is inevitable that we feel like we are failing our children in some way, little or big, pretty much every minute of the day. Most days I feel like it is a win if everyone is fed, alive, and moderately happy.

Kids…obviously, there are no right answers and you are both ruined, so at least you will have each other to commiserate over how your parents screwed you up. Maybe you can get a group rate at therapy some day. Bam. Guess I did something right after all.

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