If you are pregnant with your first or second child – and do not know the gender of your unborn child – today’s post might pique your interest. Have you ever wondered whether it’s better to have a boy or a girl as your first born? If you have several children, is it better to have boys as the oldest? Or is it better to have girls as the oldest? Are there pros or cons with either scenario? Should we even care to discuss this?

We’ve written before about The Effects of Birth Order: Fact or Theory, but never about the specific dynamics of having a boy (or boys) as the oldest or youngest in a family—and vice versa with girls. Believe it or not, I actually wonder about this a lot and am curious to know what you think.

My Experience: Younger Sister to an Older Brother

To give you a little background on my perspective, I am the youngest of two. I have an older brother who is five years my senior. Growing up, we rarely played with each other. Actually, he pretty much ignored me (and I don’t blame him!). When I was in 8th grade, he left for college. When I was starting college, he was already climbing ladders in his career. At the time, our worlds rarely collided.

When we did connect, he would ask me about school or my job—or give me advice on managing my money or dealing with our parents—as if he were my second father. And all that was OK with me. After all, he was my much older brother who I looked up to (and still do!).

Observing Other Families with Different Sibling Dynamics

I recognize our age difference played a big part in how we interacted, but I also know families who have children our same ages—just opposite genders—yet the sibling relationships were quite different. In one family, the older daughter played often with her younger brother. They stayed in touch even when the older sister was away at college or working in another city. They interacted with one another as if they were the same age—on the same level—despite the gap.

What I See in My Own Kids

Fast forward to today. My daughter is about three years older than her brother. They play together all the time—and often as equals. Sure, they are young (ages 8 and 5), and they may quickly grow out of this stage sooner than later. But I can’t help but wonder: Do first-born daughters encourage closeness in sibling relationships? And will this continue as they get older?

What Other Parents Are Saying

So I’ve been asking friends this same question to see how it plays out in their families—both with their siblings and with their children. As a result, a lot of perceived “pros” and “cons” came out in conversation. Some are obvious, but others are definitely up for debate.

Based on experiences with your own siblings and children, do you think these pros and cons add up? Or is it all just a bunch of baloney?

Perceived Pros of Having a Boy First then a Girl

Stronger
Decision Maker
Protective of younger sibling
Experiences all the “firsts” (driving, dating, college, etc.) for the parents
There is a perceived preference of having boys as the first born in western societies.
Have more energy for a boy when you are younger

Perceived Cons of Having a Boy Before a Girl

Less likely to play with younger sister
Can be a bully
Tends to ignore little sister

Perceived Pros of Having a Girl First Then a Boy

Mommy’s little helper
Has more patience
More likely to engage in play with younger brother
More emotionally mature (girls typically mature faster)

Perceived Cons of Having a Girl Before a Boy

Experiences all the “firsts” (driving, dating, college, etc.)—which can feel more worrisome for parents
Can be bossy to younger brother
May grow up too fast

Boy, Boy, Girl Birth Order

Parents often wonder whether a younger sister raised after two brothers will develop different traits — such as independence, assertiveness, or adaptability.

What research suggests:

Younger children may adapt to existing family dynamics
Gender differences are often shaped more by social expectations than birth order itself
Personality outcomes vary widely depending on family culture and parenting

Boy, Girl, Boy Birth Order

In this sequence, parents sometimes notice differences in attention, competitiveness, or leadership.

Important perspective:

Middle children often develop strong negotiation or social skills
Differences are more likely related to parenting patterns than birth order
Children adapt based on family needs at the time they’re growing up

Girl, Boy, Girl Birth Order

This is another commonly searched pattern. Parents may wonder if the youngest child becomes more expressive or outgoing.

What matters more than order:

Individual temperament
Family expectations
How much autonomy and support each child receives

Birth order can shape family dynamics, but it does not lock children into predetermined roles.

What Do You Think?

Every family dynamic is unique, and there’s certainly no right or wrong answer. Some of these “pros and cons” may ring true in your home, while others don’t match your experience at all. That’s what makes parenting—and sibling relationships—so fascinating.

We’d love to hear from you. Do you agree with these points? Have you seen different outcomes based on birth order and gender in your own home? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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By TMoM Team Member Katie Moosbrugger