Five Questions that Make Me Cringe

By Katie Moosbrugger

Most of you reading this are moms, and while we may be in different stages of motherhood, I’m guessing we’ve shared similar experiences. From being pregnant to losing the baby weight. To celebrating our child’s milestones. From choosing a school to developing a rapport with a teacher. And then to having the house to ourselves again when the kids go off to school.

I’m sure lots of you can say you’ve been-there-done-that with at least one scenario listed above. That’s why I think it’s safe to share a list of five common questions that you’ve probably been asked at one point in your life as a mom. I don’t believe anyone means any harm when asking these questions, yet each of these questions make me cringe.

Listed below is a countdown of questions I consider annoying to totally offensive.

Number Five

This isn’t one particular question, but a category of queries about whether or not your child has reached a particular milestone.

It’s only when the question is delivered with a surprised or concerned undertone – and comes from friend, acquaintance or stranger who has a child the exact same age – and from someone who does not have any more years of mothering experience or wisdom – that it irks me.

Questions can range from “Your son isn’t sleeping through the night yet” to “Your daughter hasn’t rolled over yet?” to “You haven’t started feeding him solids yet?” All of these are fair game except when they are delivered as described above – and then followed by “Bless your heart.”

Number Four

“Are you sure you want to send your child to that school?”

I think one of the best perks of the Triad is having a choice when it comes to your child’s school. Whether the school is in or out of your “zone,” public or private, magnet or charter, religious or not – the good news is that most of us have a choice. And when we make that decision, we (as parents) become emotionally (and lots of times financially) attached to that school. Sometimes – even if we are not 100% in love with the school – we want to be in love with the school. We want our child to have the best experience possible. We (as parents) want the best experience possible. We become invested. So when someone throws this curveball question, it could take you out. It did me.

Number Three

“Who does your child have for a teacher”….followed by “Oh…{insert the “yikes” expression}.. do you like her?”

I am not a teacher. I have never been a teacher, but I have the utmost respect for every teacher I meet. And luckily, I have liked every teacher my child has had in their short school careers. But I also think it’s important for me and my child to form our own opinion of a particular teacher, and not be influenced by what happened to little so-and-so last year in that class. Every child is different and unique, and every teacher-child relationship is different and unique. Although we don’t have a choice with teachers like we do with schools, we (as parents) and our kids can become attached and invested. So I ask other moms, “Why stir the pot?”

Number Two

“When are you due?”

I have to admit I asked this question to a new mom once in my life – when I was in college. Turns out she had given birth six months prior. Not surprisingly, our conversation did not go well! After that incident, I have become petrified to ask anyone about their due date. I probably come across shallow and callous – especially to women whose bellies are sticking out about five feet and are obviously about to drop a baby at any moment – but I refuse to act like I even know they are pregnant – to the point where I act surprised when they finally do tell me they’re pregnant. I know it’s ridiculous, but I’ve learned my lesson. Yet I continue to hear other moms ask this question and find themselves in the same embarrassing situation. Why do we do this?

And the Number One Question that Drives Me Coco Loco:

“What are you going to do with yourself now that both of your kids are in school all day?”

Not only do I think this question is nosy and condescending, but it’s also ridiculous on so many levels. And how does one even respond? (By the way, if you have a witty comeback to this question, please share it as a comment below). I was recently asked this question by someone who knows I run this web site on a day-to-day basis. While it’s not your typical 9-5 gig, it’s a full-time job in itself. It’s OK she doesn’t realize that, but I was surprised that she (also a SAHM with kids in school) asked this question. So I replied, “Oh I don’t know. Maybe take the dog for walks.” And she sighed and responded, “I wish I had all your time.” Ah, the difference of perception!

What about you…what question makes you cringe the most? Have you ever been asked any of the above? Do you have advice on how best to answer these questions?

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