Mourning the Loss of the Baby Years
By Guest Blogger Julie Fritz
I have always wanted two children. When my husband and I realized how serious our relationship was, we began to envision our future together and we both pictured a family of four. Luckily for us, we were able to start a family and have the children we always hoped for.
In just one week, our second baby will be turning one. Time really flies. The thing is, I just can’t believe that the “growing our family phase” is over, that my babies are quickly growing up, and that I can’t seem to slow it down.
We had our son in 2014. Everything was so new and exciting. Each milestone brought so much joy to my heart. I was able to embrace everything as it came and couldn’t wait to see what would come next. It was such a joyful experience. Having our daughter in 2017 was so amazing too, and we finally felt like our family was complete. But, that is also when something changed in me. I have had a much harder time embracing and enjoying her milestones. As each new thing came: smiling, laughing, crawling, walking … it was a new milestone we would never be experiencing again. It started to make me sad.
I never expected to feel this way. I love being a mom, and the best part of being a mom is the joy. It is the only part of parenting that no one can prepare you for. The joy keeps you going and gets you through the frustration and exhaustion that we all face. That is why this has been so hard for me. And don’t get me wrong, there is still so much joy! However, I can’t help but mourn the loss of the baby years.
In my heart, I still feel like a I just started my parenting journey. The truth is, my son will be four in just a few months and my daughter is almost one. Our life is moving forward and our family is complete. This is all I ever wanted and I love it. I’m trying to embrace this, as hard as it is sometimes.
When I start to feel sad about the end of the baby years, I try to remember that as great as these years are, there are lots of things that will get easier and more fun as my children get older. At the same time, I’m trying savor the moments I still have before they are gone.
Maybe I should be letting my daughter cry it out at night, but I don’t. Maybe I should start weaning her from nursing, but I’m not. I probably wouldn’t be so exhausted if I did, but I don’t care. I’m gonna hold her, let her nurse and let her sleep in my arms for just a little bit longer. And maybe it’s not about her, it’s about me. I can admit that. The time will be here soon enough that she won’t need me like that, and I will hit my limit on these things too. Soon, we will be ready. But right now, I just want to experience these moments and savor them so I can be sure they will live in my heart forever.
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So much yes. My babies (7,3) are the best part of me and as hard as it was giving my oldest a sibling it’s still hard knowing that chapter is closed.
You said what most moms think and are afraid to say. Nicely done!!
Very well put, Julie! I felt the very same way when my kids were little. No regrets!
If you feel that way now, imagine when your children are 14 and 18 yrs old, like mine. It is sad, but every stage in life brings on new experiences. Therefore, , all i can say is enjoy every moment, because they only happen once in a life time.
Well Written, yes hold her love her and cherish every second!
Great post and so true, however, I really wish I took more time to savor the baby years. They literally flew by. I miss those days!
One day when my daughter was about 4 months old I was having lunch with a friend and I told her that I was sitting there that morning just holding my little girl. I told her I know I have to stop and get some things done. Her words to me still linger with me! She said, “Oh no, hold her! Hold her and enjoy!”
The days and years do go fast. So, we hold on when we can!