Naptime Minefield

By Heather Keenan

Let’s set the record straight. Naptime is not just about naps. Yes, our kids need to nap, they need to recharge their little batteries so that they can wake up and make us work for them, I mean, let us love on them, for the remainder of the day. No argument there. However, naptime is also about coffee, Netflix, books, and enjoying the silence (I’m trying, Depeche Mode, I’m trying). So, I have come up with a list of things to help you get through naptime without waking those cute, little dictators.

Think of your house like a minefield at naptime. Step lightly, very lightly. If you think it will make noise, it will make noise. Do not, I repeat, do not attempt any of the following or “Orange is the New Black” and that cup of Joe just may have to wait until tomorrow.

The dishwasher is not to be tampered with. Trust me. Sure, it may seem like a nice, quiet task to get done while your “helper” isn’t around, but it is not. With just one slip of the wrist, one of those huge, square dinner plates that you thought were so practical before children, will hit the counter with a thud measurable by the Richter scale.

Pets. Do not make eye contact of any kind. If you do, they will want to play, and they will want to play with something loud.  One squeak of a dog toy and you might as well have gone up there and pinched your baby awake. Tell Fido to beat it. I swear my dog has learned to tippy toe at this point.

Going up or down the stairs is also a no-no. Think you don’t have a creaky step? Think again. And guess what? It only creaks at naptime. And by creak, I mean it sounds as if you have just snapped the wood in half, karate style, even though I bet you thought you were walking as light as a fairy.

Vacuuming. While I highly doubt this needs any explanation, I wanted to include it to cover all bases. Needless to say, do not vacuum.

Talking on the phone seems like such a great idea, and it is, as long as you are in the garage or another room with the door shut. Sure, you start off that conversation with your best friend in a hushed tone, but six minutes later you are reliving some hilarious moment from your early 20’s, laughing your head off as if there are no sleeping time bombs just steps away. Feel free to text, though.

Follow these steps and you will be well on your way to one enjoyable nap/coffee/Netflix/reading/quietly-staring-into-space time. I do understand that not all naptimes can be used for good, sometimes we must fold laundry, catch up on work, etc. But if you can swing it, use naptime for you time, you deserve it, and honestly, have you checked out the lineup Netflix has right now? Good stuff!