When Your Doctor Touches You
By Guest Blogger Dennette Bailey
Recently Andrew Yang’s wife, Evelyn Yang, was in the media describing a rape she endured by her OB/GYN during a doctor’s visit. When I saw her story it made me wonder how many people may have suffered sexual abuse at the hand of their doctors but have not spoken out.
It also made me wonder how many people may have had an experience like myself in which the ambiguity of the situation caused you to question whether something took place or whether you were “over thinking” the circumstances.
I visited a doctor that was very attentive during the appointment. This doctor did not rush me but asked me questions and seemed to really care about my health. I was thinking that I might have found the best doctor ever. Then, during the routine gynecological exam this doctor, it seemed inadvertently, touched my clitoris. I thought to myself that had to be by mistake and I said nothing. That was the first visit. The next year I had a visit again with this doctor and again this doctor displayed a caring attitude as did the staff. I wasn’t even thinking about the “touch” that had happened the year before. But during the routine gynecological portion of the exam, once again this doctor touched my clitoris. I actually looked at the doctor but this doctor just kept talking through the exam as if nothing happened and I just had that shock feeling that stays in your head and does not show on your face. There was a nurse in the room both times. I went home this time and I called a relative who works in the health field and asked her if she had experienced this personally and she replied no. She said that she would ask one of her physician friends about it. She later reported to me that this physician said there would be no reason to even mistakenly touch this area of my body. I told my spouse about it and he too had a silent shock look as if he did not know how to respond. Then he said “maybe it was a mistake”.
I tell you my story not to validate the story of anyone else but to bring attention to a bigger issue. And that is, as women we do not know what a gynecological exam or any exam for that matter, dealing with our bodies, should look like because we are not physicians. When questions are asked we may not know when the line is being crossed, and when our intuition tells us something is wrong, we question it and our loved ones may also question it. It is easy or at least unambiguous to recognize that we are being assaulted when a person uses inappropriate language or violent actions towards us. However, when a doctor (or anyone for that matter) treats us well, smiles, asks us what we need and supports us, that positive language does not support the negative actions that we are feeling uncomfortable with.
I have heard people talk about the fact that a nurse is in the room and I believe that offers false assurance of our safety because a blanket is over the patient when they have these exams. So a nurse cannot see what is occurring under the blanket. In addition, there is nothing about the nurse being in the room that assures a patient to reach out to the nurse if they are uncomfortable. In many instances I have observed nurses themselves being uncomfortable during these types of exams. Some even make themselves busy, maybe trying to make the patient feel that they are respecting their privacy.
If you are not a woman or if you have not suffered sexual violations, maybe you can simply identify with trying to find a good doctor. Maybe you can identify with wanting a doctor that treats you as an individual and doesn’t just push prescriptions, spend 5 minutes with you and then move you along. People should not have to decide between a physician that is not really available (this could be for a variety of reasons) or a physician who treats them well but is a predator. If you have a great doctor that is neither of the latter two just described, then that is what we are all looking for and we should not have to go through predators before we find one.
Hopefully most people will not experience violent sexual assaults at a physicians’ office but we should be concerned about the “small” assaults that may take place. The potential for the numbers being high in this area is frightening because most women, like myself, will not report such an offense. Instead, we will question ourselves first.
Opinions may vary on who is responsible for learning what a doctor’s visit should look like but I would propose that doctors use a model to explain they are going to do to the patient beforehand. Another method could be to have this description play over all the television monitors in the doctor’s offices while waiting in the waiting room. This might help to deter those doctors who have a perverted fetish or is a predator and would use their position to satisfy their perversions.
I am an adult woman who suffered sexual assault in the past and is outspoken to parents on how to protect their children against sexual predators. But even I still questioned this visit to the doctor and reported nothing because even though it happened twice, I thought I might be…… well wrong.
If you have never experienced a sexual assault, I implore you to not make judgement about why people do not report or go back to a professional that they question has crossed the line. Instead offer support. Asking the victim why they didn’t do something different is not support.
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Oh gosh I don’t feel like I’m making things up anymore. I went to a new gynecologist a few days ago for some weird pelvic pain after my old one moved out of state. They made me undress from the waist down only. The doctor came in and after a bit of talking pulled up my sweater, pulled down my bra, and began feeling my breasts which was definitely more like foreplay the way he went about it. I actually apologized for not taking my top off and he said well this is the first time I’m seeing you so I needed to check your breasts. Then he had me bend my knees up and started pressing into my pelvic area pretty deep and moved right into my clitoris and just kept pressing inward. He put my feet in stirrups and was extremely quick but he basically shoved the speculum all the way inside, opened it all the way up and made me gasp a bit and then slid his fingers kind of the same way as deep as he could and quickly pulled out. Not like any exam Ive had before. There was a female med student watching the entire time. So then he says – I’m going to have her check you now. She did an entire exam, pap test, internal and the finger up the butt thing that made me gasp out loud, and then she went up inside by butt a second time. To make it really weird the doctor had a hand on my knee and leg the entire time while he watched and a couple times pushed my knees apart wider. I felt like I was violated twice after all that. It was just creepy.
You can report inappropriate touching or other situation to the police located in same area as doctor’s office, your state’s licensing board, and to whoever oversees the facility you were at. I recently had to do that when (believe it or not) my physician wrapped his wrist around my underwear which I thought needed to be removed to check hemorrhoids as It was a last second decision to have him check them. He did not bring a nurse in the room (though apparently having a chaperon doesn’t guarantee safety). I have seen him have this physician for years. He turned off the lights, put a light in my anus then cupped his hand over the vaginal area but his index finger ended up on my clitoris at which point he put a great deal of pressure on that area and anus (with light in it). I had no question this was an act of hostility and control. It took 3 weeks to report this to the police. I wrote a note in my own medical chart online telling my doctor he violated my trust in him…Requested a new doc in another location, reported it to the head of that facility, to the police and to the licensing board. At least if reported, the police or licensing board can track complaints and can take action if they gather enough factual information that a crime and breech of trust occurred. I had no witness in the room. When he returned to the room to examine the area there was no chaperon and I wish I had insisted on one. I simply lost my voice in that room (which is so unlike me).
People say go to a female so this doesn’t happen but I’ve been sexually assaulted by a female physiotherapist and again, by a female nurse, so that is NOT a solution, and to be honest, as a straight woman, if I had to choose, I would choose it to be a man, as it is even more disgusting and gross and traumatizing when it is someone same sex (and I presume this would hold true for gay people as well, that it would be more repulsive to be abused by someone of the opposite sex). The most infuriating part of all of this is that if you make a complaint, all the abuser will say is that it never happened, or it happened differently than we are saying. I tried this once (for something else) and that is what happened. The abuser just had a different and appropriate story that put them in an appropriate light and made me seem like the crazy one. So then it is just their word against ours. And the complaint committees don’t do anything about it because they don’t know who is telling the truth. It is extremely wrong and angering. I wish I could kick those people in the face and I wish I had, in the moment.
I too was abused by female gynecologist ( she put her finger in my rectum, without informed consent or communicating it prior, and due to the specific health condition I had that time there was ABSOLUTELY NO NEED to do it) I was very young then and didn’t know where to turn, and was embarrassed to complain and that b++++ basically got away with it!
So yeah, since then I trust more to male doctors!
Hi all,
To be completely honest I have never been inappropriately touched during an exam but I put this down to only accepting exams off another female , there have been far too many convictions of male gynaecologists for sexual misconduct
I have 2 incidents that I question. I was a virgin & had to go to the ER due to abdominal pain. The dr. roughly inserted his finger in me & when I cried out in pain he said it didn’t hurt & the nurse laughed. It turned out I had an intestinal blockage. Was this really necessary to diagnose that? The 2nd incident occurred when I went to a urologist for a suspected kidney stone. He did not tell me what he was doing in advance, but inserted his finger in me & pressed down on my abdomen with his other hand & expelled urine from my bladder. I never went back to him, but have been to other urologists on many occasions & have never had anyone ever do this.
I went to get my IUD removed in 2019 and for 45 minutes the female doctor was telling me I’m going to get pregnant right away and I could be a single mom and implying that I was a slut and making me feel like a whore and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to keep it but she finally started the process to remove it. I’ve had many vaginal exams in my life and each time they only put lube on the speculum. This female dr put the lube on her fingers and rubbed it all over my vagina and then up on my clitoris for a few seconds before inserting the speculum. She didn’t tell me what she was doing through the entire procedure, yanked the iud out, threw it away and left the room without a word. The following morning I had the worst UTI I’ve ever experienced. Peeing blood, high fever and throwing up because of the pain. For 2 years I’ve been questioning what happened and I want to seek just but I don’t want to relive what happened.
I want to cry reading this bcos I am still seeing the doctor..he has a title of a professor..I never knew about all this bcos I thought he had a medical expertise. So the idea was he stimulate my clitoris which makes it easier for him to go inside of me with his hands( I don’t know how deep he went) then he could tell the thickness of my uterus lining (as I have endometrial hyperplasia which causes the uterine lining to thicken) so apparently instead of a scan, he can do this manual check up just by inserting his hand!!?? Please if anyone reading this, can u get back to me whether if it is even possible for a gynae to do that just by using his hands to touch my lining….. I wan to cry now
I had this happen during a cystoscopy, my urologist grabbed my clitoris, pulled it up, giggling, says I can’t stick this tube in that tiny of a hole, then he goes, I’m going to have to dialate your urethra
These doctors have been assaulting you. You have the right to seek justice. I felt confused (and horrified) by my doctor stroking my clitoris and just questioned myself about it for about a year. Then it came out that he is being criminally investigated and now dozens of women are suing for assault and battery. You have a right to justice, and by bringing legal action you protect other women from being future victims. I will never again go to a male gyno. Although I do recognize that women can also be perpetrators of this (I saw one the stories above addresses this), it is much less likely.
Not the stroking, but I had a tubal ligation done about a month ago. During the vaginal exam a few days before the procedure, and with a female nurse present, he inserted two fingers while placing his thumb on my clitoris. I had all the same feelings/ and was even afraid to look up something like this blog. Afraid to know what I thought was wrong really was wrong. But ive been getting so angry, and this instance has been gnawing away at me. Thank you for your help.
I went to a urologist who did the same thing to me, he tried putting a bottle of sanitizer down on top of me like an accident but it was aimed very specifically at my privates and than started talking to me and rubbing my hand while talking to me. I didn’t have a nurse in there
I was in a similar situation where my ob/gyn brushed against my clitoris before inserting the speculum. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable while at a doctor’s visit. Years later, I keep questioning myself about it. It could of been an accident…right? Even now, I really have no idea.
I had a vaginal ultrasound for a cyst they were monitoring and the tech kept moving the wand differently. She kept going i thought maybe that’s how they do it to get a better view… But i literally orgasmed I tried real hard not to move or say anything she kept it there and said its ok… And a minute later ended the ultrasound.
I thought I was alone. I had to go to the ER during a miscarriage and the doctor who seemed SO professional touched my clitoris several times. I thought it had to be a mistake. I was in pain, bleeding and grieving. My husband and a nurse were in the room which just led me to think, he couldn’t be meaning to do this, right? Looking back, I wish I had stopped the exam right then
I recently had a third opinion at a new OB/GYN I am exhausted seeking answers for a high-risk pre-cancer HPV. during my well woman initial visit he kept saying how “fit” I was and that my vagina was smaller because I “had never had babies”. in front of the nurse he asked me to grab my vagina muscles on his finger saying I had a grip that many women didn’t because again the no babies comment. The last time I went in for a cervical biopsy he was touching my thigh and lightly squeezing it when I was sitting up with the paper on my lap. I felt helpless and just froze still unresponsive. I carried on with the biopsy but felt so angry that I needed answers and had to settle for this doctor since he is supposedly good and I had exhausted my options in El Paso at this point. I still do not understand why he did that ( if I am blowing this out of proportion). I told my boyfriend who didn’t seem to think it was odd. I am supposed to have a cone biopsy with this doctor but I am beginning to feel he is off.
Wow thanks for sharing this. You put into words how I feel. During my second pregnancy on one of my last visits before my delivery date at the end of the visit, nurse had left the room while I was still undressed with just the blanket over my lap he came super close to me and totally touched my leg with his erected penis fir what felt like an eternity. I was so shocked I didn’t even move my leg, I just stared at his face, nodding I didn’t even know what to think, was I crazy. Never told anyone, until 8 months later I told my husband and he seemed surprised didn’t know what to say.
Can’t help but feel like a coward, and I hate that the image and feeling just shows up randomly in my head. I have two daughters I don’t know how to protect prepare?! For that kind of crap. Ugh.
This happened to me at the hands of a Navy doctor back in 2005. He was really friendly, complimented me a lot, and right as he was going into do the exam, he ran his fingers up and down my clit and then slid them inside. The nurse was right there but couldn’t really see. I was shocked and honestly confused. Never told a soul.
Oh wow, this happened to me years ago and it was very obvious that he was rubbing me about 6 times in a circular motion before inserting his fingers. The nurse was in the room the whole time. My body responded and it’s always bothered me but I thought I was making a fuss. I thought maybe that’s what they do to make the examination easier!!
So what is the first step someone who has been sexually assaulted by an ob/gyn should do
I saw my new gynecologist today and he done things that I’ve never experienced during a pap smear. I have gotten annual pap smears for 25 years. He pulled on my nipples for an extended period of time and continued to be very talkative to were I had to make eye contact while he was doing it. Then while the nurse was warming the speculum he opened my labia and swiped his finger on my opening and then grazed my clitoris. The nurse’s back was turned during everything. Then he placed both hands between the creases of my inner thighs and rubbed back and forth saying I have to check to make sure everything is alright in the creases. There was a lot of side to side and up and down finger motion during the exam. I can’t stop thinking about how it was not normal.
I just had this happen to me today! I’ve only ever been to a female doctor I love, but she was doing a c section today be I said yes to seeing another doctor. He ran he’s hand down my inner thigh and then checked between the creases of my inner thighs. I’ve never had that happen before and it felt wrong. And then he ran his hand down my inner thigh again before inserting his fingers to check my ovaries. He announced what he was doing with a nurse in the room, but it still felt wrong to me. I’ve never had that happen in an exam before.
As an infant through age 12 I was examined by a urologist on a weekly to monthly basis. Part of the examination required cleaning my vaginal area, including rubbing my clitoris with cotton wipes. This touching was sexually arousing and I remembered it from very early on. It was so confusing and felt wrong, but I was afraid to tell anyone. As I grew up I touched 2 of my girlfriends beginning in second grade. I so wish children didn’t have to endure this part of the urological examination.
Wait, what? This is an old post so you probably won’t see this reply but I’ve never had an exam like that, and why on earth would a child have to have such an exam weekly or monthly throughout their entire childhood?? (Did you have some sort of medical condition that required this? It sounds strange.)
I had this happen years ago. I was at my appointment and a woman that I never had before examined me. She start rubbing all around my clitoris. She was telling me it was to check for herpes. I felt uncomfortable. I never went back.
So I recently went to a urologist for a issue I had and and procedure done. Well I was nude under the blankets and he literally put his hand on my knee on “top” of the blankets and started to caress my thigh going up and down in moving motion explaining to me what he was gonna do at the procedure I was shocked and we locked eyes and he still kept doing it. So uncomfortable ugh ???? need some advice from any one you what yours thoughts are on this? I wonder WHY he did that to me.
This is my first post I’ve seen about this situation. Thank you so much for posting this. Ive experienced this. Being that this was my second OB, and my first OB didn’t do this… I was immediately caught off guard. The look of disgust took over my face. He literally rubbed my clitoris before inserting his fingers to check. I’ve never gone back.
The same thing happen to me yesterday. I have had this doctor for 26 years. Before inserting his fingers into my vagina he put the gel on his fingers rubbed down on my clitoris then inserted his fingers. At the moment I don’t think I even noticed because I was so tense about the exam. It wasn’t until today as soon as I woke up that exam was the first thing that came to my mind. I felt sick. I don’t think that’s the first time he has done it, but why is it the first time I really noticed it. Oh my God!
I had the same experience with my obgyn the last two visits. I’ve been seeing him for years and had never had a problem ever, so the first time it happened, although uncomfortable, I first thought I just have imagined it. Then I justified it as an accident. Then it happened the next time I saw him a few months ago. I was just out walking my dog and the experience popped into my head out of nowhere, as it does. So I googled it again for probably the 3rd or 4th time. This time I found this post. Thank you for sharing your experience. You’ve just helped one person…maybe others as well!
Wow, this story is so unsettling and I cannot believe that happened. I feel like I’m so naive and always trusting. I guess you never know. Thanks for sharing – this makes me more alert to things.