Is There Ever a Time and Place for Spanking?
“If you stand next to the deep end one more time, you are going to time out for the rest of the day.”
That was my daily (sometimes hourly) mantra to my three-year-old son one summer. He loved the water — still does — and wanted nothing more than to jump into the deep end and join his big sister. At that age, he could only swim with floaties and supervision, but that didn’t stop him from testing boundaries over and over again.
And sure enough, one day when my back was turned for just a second, he jumped in. I immediately pulled him out, unhurt but definitely startled. As promised, I sent him to time-out. My friend, watching from nearby, said, “You know, if you ever wanted to spank him, that would’ve been the time.”
And honestly, she wasn’t wrong.
The Spanking Debate: Where I Stand
My husband and I have never been “spankers” in the traditional sense. We don’t use it regularly — in fact, over the course of raising our two kids (now 10 and 7), I can count on one hand the times we’ve done it. When we did, it was for something dangerous or defiant that could’ve caused real harm.
It was never an old-fashioned, over-the-knee punishment — more like one quick swat to emphasize that certain actions have serious consequences. For example, if a child runs into a busy street or jumps into a pool unsupervised, that immediate, unforgettable response can drive home the importance of safety.
But for most day-to-day discipline — disrespect, arguing, or not following directions — there are better ways to handle things. These days, taking away screen time is far more effective than any spanking could ever be!
Age, Intention, and Consequence
I also believe there’s an age and a context where spanking (or the threat of it) stops being effective — and even becomes inappropriate. Once a child is old enough to reason, it’s better to focus on teaching, not punishing.
Younger children, especially toddlers, live in the moment. Their actions are impulsive, not calculated. For them, discipline is about safety and consistency, not fear. As kids get older, the consequences that matter most usually involve privileges — friends, phones, or technology.
Every parent has to find their balance between firm boundaries and gentle teaching. What works for one child might not work for another.
Why Spanking Still Feels Like a “Taboo” Topic
Spanking tends to be one of those hush-hush topics that parents avoid discussing. Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s fear of judgment. Maybe it’s because it sits in a gray area between what’s acceptable and what’s outdated.
The truth is, many of us who grew up in the ’70s or ’80s were spanked — and most would say we turned out fine. But parenting evolves, and so does understanding. There are plenty of other disciplinary methods today that may be more effective and emotionally supportive.
I’m not here to say spanking is right or wrong for every family. But I do believe we need to be able to talk about it openly, without shaming each other.
What I Learned (and What I’d Do Differently)
It’s been years since we’ve used spanking as a consequence, and I don’t see it making a return. As my kids have grown, I’ve found more meaningful ways to guide their behavior — things that connect, not correct.
Still, when I look back at that day by the pool, I think a spanking might have been justified. It was dangerous, defiant, and immediate. And maybe, just maybe, it would’ve kept him from jumping in again a few days later.
Parenting doesn’t come with a rulebook. We make choices based on love, fear, and instinct. Sometimes we get it right. Sometimes we learn. But we’re all doing our best to raise respectful, responsible kids — and that looks a little different in every family.
Join the Conversation
So, what do you think? Is there ever a time and place for spanking, or should it be off the table entirely?
Let’s talk about it — respectfully. Parenting is hard enough without judgment, and your story or perspective might help another mom feel a little less alone.
Want to see more blogs like this and also get notifications on local events and happenings? Subscribe to our free weekly newsletters