As the Car Line Turns

By Heather Keenan

Imagine a traffic jam. Think about how irritable people are when they are trapped inside their vehicles. Now think about how mad they are when said vehicle is trapped in a four lane line of endless cars. Go ahead and add the stress of their children to that ,and poof!, you are not in the freaking school car line. Let the games begin.

There are several different types of car line users. They all, however, have one thing in common. They want to get in, get their kid(s), and roll out in as short of time as possible. I get it. I too, want this for myself. Unfortunately, none of us control the car line, so I usually sit back and watch the show. As The Car Line Turns, if you will.

Tupperware Lady:
It is highly likely that this woman has prepared meals for everyone in town. When she cranks up the crock pot she wouldn’t dare not make enough for the neighbors. Hell, she has even fed your family from time to time. Thing is, there is not one missing lid from her Tupperware collection. How does she do it? Car line, baby. She will walk an entire line of minivans to collect one clear quart size.

The Napper:
Weird, everyone else’s lane is moving but yours is at a stand still. Chances are, you have a napper in line. This person probably has a new baby at home and has to use every second of sleep time they are provided. It’s doubtful they could stop their little siesta if they wanted to. Cut these people some slack, everyone has already seem them drool.

The Trunk User:
Things are rolling along smoothly, you’re nearly to the pick up lane and things suddenly stop. There he is, out of his car. A parent has gotten out of their car at the actual pick up lane. Surely this means that there is a fire inside of his car, because as we all know, you STAY IN YOUR CAR! Nope, no fire, he just wants to make sure Junior’s germy backpack doesn’t infect the white leather seats.

The Multi-tasker:
It’s not, the phone is not actually attached to this person ear, although, that would make it easier for them to accomplish the other 87 things they are currently juggling. They are planning parties, selling “fill in the blank”, following through with “Pins”, and volunteering at the school. They are doing all this and still managing to look great and make it all look easy. I applaud these people. I consider the day a success if we all make it out of the house with matching shoes.

The Smoker:
Can this please not be a thing? Ugh.

I would like to thank each and every one of these characters in the car line. I hope that one day I discover what nickname you have bestowed upon me. Although the car line can be a high stress area, let us all remember that our kids are watching. BE NICE!

All car riders are dismissed.