Great Wolf / Bad Wolf

By Heather Keenan

There is nothing in this world that I would not do for my kids. I love them to the moon and back and enjoy nothing more than to see them happy. So, there I was, last week, standing in a bathing suit (which let’s face it, is basically like standing in underwear) in a huge room, filled with other parents who were also baring their start-of-spring-glow-stick-legs. Great Wolf Lodge, people. Love it or hate it, your kids love it, and you take them.

I feel as though all adventures should be entered into with positive mental attitude (PMA). I mean, you can overcome pretty much anything with a little PMA. That being said, lets start with the pros of going to an indoor, surely insanely sanitary, no way are all of those kids peeing in pools, waterpark.

Pro 1:
Face it, water slides are one of the most fun things in the world. Water and slides separate are amazing, but together?! I dare you to try and frown on a water slide. If you can, stop reading this and rethink your life. For the rest of us, grab a mat and hit the slides!

Pro 2:
A wristband that opens my room door AND buys me drinks at the lounge? Yes, please! Oh what’s that? No, my kids can’t have one? That is a bummer. For them. As for me and that second glass of Malbec? Don’t mind if I do.

Pro 3:
Towels galore! There is no need for those beach towels at this place, friend, leave them in the back of the linen closet. The icing on this towel cake? Every once in a while you will stumble across a warm one in the bunch! It’s the little things. Plus, this way you don’t end up with the Dora towel that no one wants because they are “big kids now, mom, and Dora is for babies.”

Doesn’t it sound amazing?!?! However, there are two sides to each coin. Let us move on to the cons of this everyone has foot fungus, the pools have definitely been closed for poo before, waterhell.

Con 1:
They carry merchandise. Lots and lots of it. Your kids will want said merchandise. All of it. This is where it comes in very handy that they are not permitted those “charge to the room” wristbands. Every kid thinks that they need 17 stuffed animals each time they walk into the gift shop, trust me.

Con 2:
They’ve got you where they want you. Why would you want to leave? You are at the pool, in your finest swim wear, watching your kids frolick. Need something to eat? They have that! To drink? They have you covered! Want a mani/pedi? Just two floors up! While that is awesome, and convenient, it is also costly. Tip of the day: Domino’s delivers.

Con 3:
If you stop and really think about where you are and what you are doing, you may have a panic attack. At one point, I did that, I looked around for too long and started to think, “How is this socially acceptable? I just walked into a water wear house, basically in my underwear, in front of hundreds of other parents who are doing the same thing and all of our kids are definitely peeing in the pools.” I then headed straight to the lounge for a vodka soda, scanned my wristband, and all was well with the world.

So, just like everything, there are pros and cons, but the biggest pro is the gigantic smiles that this type of trip will bring to your kids. They love this stuff! So, you will love it, too. I bet you won’t think about it being sort of like a big, wave filled bathtub that you are sharing with numerous people even one time. Nope, not even once. Happy swimming!