Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Where My Very Own Rainbow Baby Waited for Me

By TMoM Team Member Suzy Fielders

Rainbow baby. Do you know this term? If you do, then it has likely directly impacted you and you probably have or are hoping for a rainbow baby yourself.

Until October 2021, I had never really put much thought into that term or truly understood its meaning. While the direct definition of rainbow baby is any healthy baby that is born after a woman loses a baby due to miscarriage, infant loss, stillbirth, or neonatal death.

In February 2021, I had a miscarriage. I blogged about it on TMoM which you can read here. It was a harrowing experience. But only a couple weeks after writing that blog I found out I was pregnant in October 2021 with my daughter, Sarina. It was almost like I had to share my story to move forward with another pregnancy. If you’ve suffered from a miscarriage, I highly recommend you share your own story – it doesn’t have to be in a public blog but in a personal journal. Writing and putting your thoughts down on paper is very therapeutic.

I also wrote in this blog a little bit about that pregnancy. In June 2022, Sarina graced us with her presence, and we had our very own rainbow baby.

What’s It Like Having a Rainbow Baby?

Every child is precious and as a mom you are so grateful for each one. Each child is also very different from pregnancy to becoming adults.

Most moms are overly cautious with that first baby. Honestly, while I was always careful with my first daughter, I never felt overly worried about how she was doing or if she was safe. I just knew she was and would be fine. She’s now a beautiful, healthy 16-year-old so clearly I was right on that train of thought.

However, with my little rainbow baby that worried voice tends to creep in a lot. Is she safe? Will she be okay? The list goes on. Sadly, the loss of life in a miscarriage followed by the gift of life in a rainbow baby creates this strange and unnatural fear in the brain. Unfortunately, Sarina has had a few medical issues happen so far in her young life – I’ll be blogging on that soon so stay tuned! She is okay and healthy but with each medical incident the fear seemed almost double with a rainbow baby. There is always that inner voice that makes you worry – likely more than you should – that something might happen to this baby too.

However, this fear also brings about a level of gratitude that is remarkable. The reality of human nature is we often need loss to appreciate life.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

While I had ideas about it, I did some research to understand where the term rainbow baby came from. It is mostly related to the fact that a rainbow appears after a storm. So, after dealing with the dark times of a miscarriage, having a baby brings that rainbow and hope back to your life.

For me personally, I agree with that but to take it a step further rainbows not only symbolize hope but happiness. Sarina is the epitome of rainbows and happiness. Anyone who has met her has seen – and commented on – how she is just the happiest little baby. We’ve been asked more than once if we have to do stuff to get her to constantly smile in our photos, as she is in almost all of them. The answer is no. She just smiles most of each day. It is the first thing she does when she wakes up in the morning! At almost 10 months old there is no slowing that smile down!

When Sarina was a much younger baby I found out that playing the song Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwoʻole was like magic to her. It would – and still does – get her quickly to sleep. I didn’t even make the connection to her being a rainbow baby and this song until I went to write this blog! It seems so fitting now that I have thought about it though!

The Future is Filled with Hope

Not only were we gifted a beautiful rainbow baby. But, in October of 2022, we discovered we were pregnant again – with another daughter! She is due on June 7^th – my 40^th birthday of all days! Life really is interesting, beautiful, and has ironic timing.

If you are dealing with or dealt with a miscarriage or are waiting for your own rainbow baby, remember that even when it might not feel like it the future is filled with hope. After all, even in the darkest of times and through life’s downpours, eventually a rainbow will appear.

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